Bingo Book Sales

   Ok - hear this one out. Different Bingo halls have different "busy nights". Take Central Scotland. Gala Westerhailes has 600 in on a Saturday. Possil will get 700 in on a Tuesday. Meadwobank used to get 900 in on a Sunday. The Forge is busy every night. (note that these are attendance levels from c. 2005 when I used to work in the industry).

   Fast forward to 2011, having left Bingo I now work in Publishing, specifically Kids Books. I know from my work the kind of Kids books which achieve the highest volume and profitability.

   My plan is to offer a joint venture to the Bingo Halls where I roll my stall in on a busy night and split any profits that I make. My aim would be to sell 150 books at 66p profit per title. That's £50 for the club and £50 for me. Doesn't sound like much, but we are talking about literally 15 minutes work. That's £200 per hour minus petrol money. Gala or Mecca - give me a call!

Nice Day at the Office

   Good work on the Betfair today. 21 bets, no losers:

Betting Profit & Loss

Ross Taylor 29-Oct-2011 17:11
Football: £35.54
Special Bets: £1.90
Tote:
Total P&L: £37.44

More complaining to Dominos

Hiya,


At about 11pm tonight I ordered Chicken, Garlic Bread, Deep Fried Cheese and 2 x bottles of Cola to ** Hunsbury Green, Northampton, NN4 9UL. A staff member may recall calling me (on 01604 ******) to let me know that I needed to swap from one type of breaded chicken to another.

Unfortunately, when the delivery person left, I noted that I had only been delivered 1 bottle of coke. Note that I had to buy two bottles in order to get over the minimum purchase.

Could I please be refunded the cost of the missing bottle? A voucher would suffice.

Thanks in advance,

Ross Taylor.

Competition Club

   I happened upon a free Twitter service called "Competition Club", which forwards on all the tweets relating to comps and freebies. Today alone they sent through over 100!

   Great service. Definitely something to add to a daily MSE Forum search for any serious comper.

N.B> The pic is of me and a waxwork of Gandhi. No relation to the post - just nice.

Keir Harrison Taylor

A big welcome to my third baby!

Keto Sticks

   Anyone who has ever done the Atkins diet, GI diet or any other low-carb regime will know that Ketosis is one of the key stages  of weight loss. In a nutshell, this is when the body is forced to burn fat in order to provide energy for your daily functions.

   Obviously, when you commit yourself to one of these diets, you are keen to find out when Ketosis is taking place. The main way of doing this is by pee-ing on a Keto Stick.

   This is where my money-opportunity comes in. Try to go and buy some Keto sticks from your local pharmacy or Boots and you'll be on a "sticky" wicket.

   If you want to make some cash, get yourself over to Ali Baba and find a supplier. Get yourself a website sorted out (or Ebay Store) and start dropping your link on all the forums. Start churning out the articles. Knock your keto stick packs out at 100% mark up.

Betfair Discipline 2

Had another look at the stats. This time any game where I have done the under bet in the last 3 months. Here are the stats:


· 262 winners from 265. 99% strike rate. A bit unfair really as I only had one loser but the bet went on at 3 different prices (Blackpool V Bristol a few weeks back).

· Average odds matched were 1.02.

· Profit over the 3 months was £278.

This is Worldwide football btw. Everything from Scot Prem to Brazil. Two methods:

1. Wait until after 78 mins and then back the under if odds still available. Officially the stats say wait to the 81st but I find all markets are closed by that point.

2. Wait for a goal after the 81st minute. Back the under when the market clears up. E.g. game is 1-1 until a goal is scored in the 83rd minute. Back under 4.5g.

Betfair Discipline 1

Just downloaded some interesting stats from Betfair. In the last 3 months I’ve actually only done my unders bet 46 times on Premier League games.
· 46 out of 46 have been winners. 100% strike rate.
· Average stake of £177
· Average odds of 1.02.
· £115 profit.

Surely my best bet would just be to scale this work up?

Using Twitter to predict the Stock Market

   I like the sound of this, taken from "Business Unusual" blog:

Twitter A Crystal Ball For Predicting Stock Market?


Hedge funds are volatile investments for the super rich to make (or lose) piles of money very, very quickly. It’s a cutthroat business. Because funds are only as good as their last reported performance, managers will do almost anything to get an edge and deliver the best returns to clients…so they’re not below using Twitter as a crystal ball.



Derwent Capital is Europe’s first “social media based hedge fund.” The fund managers use an algorithm to analyze thousands of random tweets on Twitter for words like happy, sad, angry, jerks, depressed, pissed-off, etc. to determine public sentiment or mood.



According to the brains behind the proprietary algorithm there is a surprising correlation between the mood of Twitter users today and the movement of the stock marketing in the next 2-3 days…turning Twitter into a crystal ball.

Dwarf Throwing

   Imagine this for a second. You hire a venue in the centre of a reasonably sized town/ small city. This venue must be licensed. Two weeks prior to you big date you start plastering the locality with poster, leaflets, press coverage etc pushing your big forthcoming night. The night has two selling points:

• Discounted Bar.
• Dwarf Throwing.

   Now I don't know if there is a dwarf throwing troupe already in the UK but I'm sure you could get a posse together.

Outgoings:

• Bar Staff
• Promo materials
• Dwarf hire
• Hall hire
• Outside Bar hire
• Booze costs
• DJ

Income:

• Door charge
• Beer sales

Now say the outgoings come to £2000 and your average spend per person (door charge and Beer sales) comes to £15, that means you'd need 133 people through the door to break even. I reckon in any reasonable sized town you'd get 200 young bucks in.

   Take the show on tour and suddenly your the Biggest Midget Entrepreneur in the country.

I bet Goth's would buy shit like this..........

Vampires Beware!


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Sold in the 19th century, Vampire Killing Kits contain the items considered necessary fir the protection of persons who traveled into the countries of Eastern Europe, where the populace was reportedly plagued with a peculiar manifestation of evil known as Vampires.





What’s Inside Your Typical 19th Century Vampire Killing Kit?

A pistol with accoutrements

Silver bullets

Cross

Wooden Stake

Professor Bloomberg’s new serum

Garlic powder and other concoctions

Did You Know?

Ripley’s owns one of the world’s largest collection of Vampire Killing Kits. No two kits are exactly alike!

Follow me on Twitter @rosstaylor1979

 

 I've been using Twitter to publish some of my own jokes plus retweet some of the best stuff I read elsewhere. Once I get to 1000 I plan to self publish them on Twitter and send a copy of to the guys at BBC Scotland Comedy Unit.

More logic

  Here are some more ideas I'd put into place if I was a Bachelor-Money-Making-Machine living the logical lifestyle:

• Unless you are running an "Eddie Stobart-Style" business which has a USP of running clean lorries, then never wash your car. Leaving it dirty actually protects the paintwork. Ask any old Farmer the trick to a vehicle's long life and they'll say it is due to it being caked in mud for the last 35 years.
• Wash your downstairs windows with vinegar and brown paper. A bottle of white vinegar will cost 39p out of Tesco and will last your for years. Decant it into a spray bottle (some member of your family will be throwing one out). Use the free newspaper that is distributed in all towns. Leave your upstairs window to get dirty.
• Drink tap water. One of the most illogical things I do is spend £2 every couple of days on Cola and Irn Bru. I must have spend £5,000 to £10,000 on fizzy juice in my lifetime. It makes you fat, is full of calories and bad chemicals and rots your teeth. It also makes your body hungry so you end up spending more money on extra food. By switching to water you can avoid all these negatives. It is the logical thing to do.
• I can't see a way of owning a property and avoiding Buildings insurance. The most logical thing to do would be to shop around for the cheapest - then max up your excess level in order to bring your premium down. Pay the yearly amount and shop around again next year.
• Same applies for contents, except for the fact that if you are going to go hardcore and fly super minimalist, Contents insurance might actually be superfluous.
• Using a Washing lines and Clothes horse as opposed to a Tumble driver is an obvious one.
• Nick cutlery from work, cafes and restaurants.
• Get yourself a water butt. If hot water isn't required then you could be able to use it for household needs. Obviously the water butt should cover you for all gardening water requirements.
• When using the hob, always cover your pans. Stuff will cook much faster.
• Holidays are for the Japanese - a change is as good as a rest.
• Smoking is an absolute and utter no-no. There can be no bigger waste of money on the planet.

Life of Logic

   If you are making money through dribbles then you also want to make sure that you are not wasting money in your household. You want to make sure that not too much of the money flowing into your wallet is not draining out through the plughole. Here are some of the things going through my mind:

• Live as close to your main place of work as possible in order to keep commuting costs down.
• Walk to work if you can.
• Use a Carpet sweeper rather than a hoover.
• Wash your clothes in the sink with soap flakes.
• Take Navy showers.
• Ditch the TV - biggest waste of time going. Everything worth watching is now available on the net.
• Ditch the fridge. Buy fresh.
• Go with wood fuelled hot water.
• Ditch the home phone. Give out your mobile number.
• Get a PAYG mobile.
• Wear a bib when you eat - half of my washing is down to food stains.
• If you can get away with it, wear clothes that don't crease - jumpers, track suits, overalls.
• If you need a vehicle, opt for LPG.
• Wage war on Electric lighting. Are candles cheaper for reading in the winter.
• Get a brick in your cistern.
• If it's brown flush it down. If it's yellow let it mellow.
• Use a dedicated sponge or rags to wipe your arse. If that is taking things a bit too far then nick bog roll from work.
• Nick paper, pens and all stationery requirements from work/ the Bookies/ Argos.
• Don't bother with carpets or wallpaper - they're for posh folks.
• Rent out any space you can. Spare room, settee, floor space. There are some real desperados out there.
• You are your own gym. Anyone who pays £40 for a gym membership needs psychological help.
• 15 mins housework per day is enough for any household.
• Make sure every inch of garden space is getting used productively: Shed storage, green house, raised beds etc.
• Never leave the clock running on a DVD player/ Cooker/ Microwave/ Alarm etc. They are all burning Electricity for no apparent reason.
• Don't bother with alarm clock at all - use your mobile and charge that up at work.
• Go for a Clockwork radio.
• Get your council tax single person allowance sorted.
• Eat raw where possible.
• Go double duvet in the winter.
• Soap is just as good as shampoo and shower gel.
• Don't drink tea or coffee.

   Obviously the majority of these are set up for Single men. Bang! I've just knocked your monthly Utility bill in half - at least.

Book Idea - Road to Gold

 

 Here's a book I would buy if it was available - "The Route To Gold".

A whatever-number point plan to gold at Olympics/ Commonwealth Games. Based on the "10,000 Hour Rule", these books would you give you an idea of the stage of development you'd have to be at if you planned to win an Olympics/ Commonwealth Gold at the next games.

   Take the example of if you wanted to be in amongst the medals at the next Olympic games in the First Heavyweight (91 to 100KG). Back in 2000, lifting 180kg in the snatch would've been enough to get Bronze. The book would work along the lines of:

August 1996: Watch the Videos of the 1996 games to learn the nuances of the winners technique.
September 1996: Join your local association.
October 1996: You should be putting X hours per week into practice.
November 1996: By this stage you should be able to lift X kg's.

   Obviously you would have to write something like this alongside a real expert in the field - but I think a book such as this could get niche sales. You could do one for each discipline in the games.