The Rugby Roast Idea

   OK, my idea is to do after dinner speeches specialising in the niche of taking the pish out of the members of a club. Let's take the example of a rowdy Rugby club dinner, perhaps the Annual player of the year awards or something like that. A week before the event you would email or write to the club secretary with a Pro Forma asking for players names that fit into these categories:

• Stupidest person
• Oldest player
• Anyone famous at the club.
• Any English players
• Any Virgins
• Tight players
• Drug takers
• Fat folk
• Womanisers
• Gay folk
• Bald players
• Anyone in the club whose done time

Also:

• Antics from the last tour.
• Someone who is not going to be at the event. They could be the butt of your crudest jokes.

Once you've received this proforma back you would build a routine around the information you've been given alongside the usual platitudes at the start and end of the speech.

I'm sure that anyone could build a 5 to 10min routine using this material.

It's not something I would jump into but it should be easy to get practice by speaking up at whichever clubs you are currently a member of. I'm sure they would allow you a little bit of practice.

"I Only Roast the Ones I Love" by Jeffrey Ross

   I still have to type up my "Rugby Roast" idea. It is something I really want to make a go of and I'm looking for a buddy to go to the course with me. More of that later. I've just finished reading "I only roast the ones I love" by Jeffrey Ross. Overall the book was funny but I can't say much more than that. It was pretty obvious that Ross (or his Ghostwriter) had just sat and watched his own videos on Youtube and typed up a little scenario to frame what was happening before and after his gigs. Basically you or me or more likely Chas Newkey-Burden could've written it in a couple of sittings.

   One part of the book I did like was his secrets for writing roast jokes chapter. Here is some sections:

Openers - your first few jokes should try to encapsulate the event. Example: "This isn't a who's who. It's a Who cares?"

Twofers - It's especially fun to nail two people with one line. Example: "Uncle Joe I don't know what stinks worse - your feet or Aunt Donna's cooking".

Crossbreeders - Stare at a picture of the person you are roasting and imagine how such a creature was created. "Uncle Murray, you look like Grandma was raped by an owl".

Tags - a tag is a little joke that goes after a big joke. Example: "Larry the Cable Guy has fucked so many farm animals that he's now called Larry the Stable Guy. Remember Larry Neigh means Neigh".

Props/ Costumes/ Closers