Later this year I am taking on Mr. Dean Cornish of England in an International Pie Eating Challenge. What Dean doesn't know is that whilst he enjoyed Duck and Caviar at Eton, I was weaned on brick hard Scotch Pies at Lornshill Academy. I had 5 years of Pie, Beans and Chips. Hardcore Training. Rocky punched slabs of meat, I broke the crust of God's own snack. (Except when it wasn't raining when we would usually go to the Chippy instead).
Do you know that when Lornshill was demolished that the theatre, Rector's office and swimming pool lay in rubble but the Pies in the Ochil House kitchen stood proud! NO SURRENDER TO GINSTERS!
Never in the field of human conflict has so much been given by Lord of the Pies! Fair fa yer honest sonsie face!
We have beaten England! England, birthplace of giants. Lord Nelson, Lord Beaverbrook, Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Anthony Eden, Clement Attlee, Henry Cooper, Lady Diana--we have beaten them all. We have beaten them all.
Dean - be afraid! My training has been vigorous!
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